"It be reet"

That's the phrase de jour at the moment in these parts. Initially it was a phrase uttered daily, but now it creeps into conversation up to two or three times at every tea break chat. "Who utters is?" I hear you cry and "Why, pray tell?" and for those of you who do not live in close proximity to the Yorkshire border "What on earth does that mean?". To answer, in order, (I like order):

- it is Big Al (our very lovely builder's) favourite phrase

- because the build is not yet finished but it will be, oh yes, and very likely this year

- a translation would be "do not fret my dear, everything will be alright, fine and dandy. Be assured that one day soon you will have actual running water, central heating and there will no longer be a gale force wind blowing through the holes I made in the wall"

Whilst a positive person who can usually find the bright side in most things even I am struggling to with this. Before you start tutting and decrying me as a drama queenie queen I wish to put forward the evidence.

Exhibit A (wow that takes me back) my rather lovely kitchen. The slightly jaunty angle of the sink may be seen as a design feature in some circles but does not exactly make washing up easy). You can see that even Cooper, the bandy psycho serial killer puss looks slightly perturbed). Making dinner know is a rather complex process involving utilising the dining room (which currently has half the bathroom fittings in it), the living room and on occassion the hallway. Lovely.

Exhibit A: Boho chic?



On the bright side I am becoming quite the little expert in one pot cooking.

Exhibit B the bathroom, well this is of course the true shocker. Discovered just after midnight on return from a trip to Dublin. In terms of toilets I have always been of a slightly sensitive disposition. This girl doesn't do camping or portaloos and whilst environmetally conscious and a lover of eco friendly housing don't even say the word compost toilet unless you want me to break out in hives).

The toilet had been moved to where the new one would be and the sink removed, yes removed as in no sink. I think its then that the panic attack started (breath, remeber to breath). The old toilet waste pipe which I have to say looked slightly crusty was still there, oh joy, giving us an interesting air conditioning system (aka howling gale). The skylight will be lovely of that I have no doubt, but it is unnerving to have a breeze coming through (it plays havoc with a girls scented candles humph) and the occassional plopping sound from manky bits of plaster dropping into the bath bubbles causes me to sulky pout (which isn't good for a girls wrinkles).

Exhibit B bathtime au naturel



It actually doesn't look as bad as it truly is, but out of shot is manky waste pipe, which I have put a bag over to kill some of the breeze coming through, which unfortunately has created a sort of mini bagpipe type thing. Trust me it is a little unnerving when you are happy on the throne and a gust of wind inflates the bag. I may draw a little face on it to make it friendlier.

Bright side, people pay thousands for the hot/cold buzz of the hammam an effect which can be acheived by simply stepping out of my bath into the breeze. Equally mud baths are very de rigeur and platers plopping into the tub is similar right?.

As for the heating system, at the moment we're still shovelling coal, good for the abs obviously but hardly glamorous. Still I must confess I do like a nice coal fire, very cosy.

But don't worry people because "It be reet".

Speaking of which, I guess I should make more tea. Strong enough to stand brushes in appears to be the preference and I may also hand over some of the choccies (Miniature Heros) not the Creme Egg twisted ones though (yum), ooh and I do like the Twirl's too - but otherwise I will share.

I know in the end it will in fact "Be reet" in fact and don't worry I won't be "avin a Benny".

TTFN xx